TV Catch-Up Week: Californication

David Duchovny stars in Californication, a new show which trys to make writers look sexy (lots of shows about writers at the moment – 30 Rock, Studio 60; perhaps they should have a number in it?). He plays Hank Moody, a writer of a famous novel that has been turned into a bad but successful film and has moved to the west coast from New York. This has more to do with the fact that his ex-girlfriend lives there with his daughter, only she is living with another man; it is this that is the central and simple backbone to the story – Hank is depressed and can’t write because the woman he loves is with another man.

Of course, that isn’t particularly engrossing, which is why Hank is sufficiently handsome to be able to shag lots of beautiful young woman in LA. As this is a Showtime programme, there has to be lots of breasts – Duchovny has to sleep with plenty of women in the first episode, to make sure people come back for more. Swearing, shagging, breasts – what more do you need?

It helps that Duchovny is charismatic as the central character – although he is a bit of a dick, there are moments of humanity that make him likeable (to a degree). He gets all the good lines (well, he is the fantasy of the male writer – he can write, he’s funny and he gets to have lots of casual sex) and he gets to be sensitive with his daughter. The show has good support, but it is more about Hank and his life; this might make for limited scope, especially as the will he/won’t he aspect of getting back with his ex isn’t sufficiently interesting or novel to keep attention. However, there is a lot of potential there and Duchovny is having a ball, which is translated onto the screen. Mark under ‘possibility’.

TV Catch-Up Week: The IT Crowd/Saxondale

A second series for both these shows. Saxondale returns with Steve Coogan with his own hair blonded and longer. The rest of the cast return to back him up in a very capable manner; however, it seems to have moved away from being a sitcom and into a gentle drama with some humour. The lines can be sharp and the storylines are still of the sitcom variety (small misunderstanding blown into a larger plot and resolved in thirty minutes), but it rolls along softly and all the characters do the same things – Ruth Jones as Magz is understanding as Saxondale’s girlfriend, Morwenna Banks is the common person playing Saxondale’s nemesis, Rasmus Hardiker plays naïve – with the addition of the annoying neighbour representing the worst of suburbia. It isn’t quite as funny as the first series; it makes you wonder if Coogan wasn’t involved, would the BBC still make it?

By contrast, The IT Crowd seems more confident in its second series. The first series was sporadically hilarious but didn’t seem to find its feet completely. The set-up was perfect and the characters good, just a little uneven. This time around, the silliness is left to unfold to its fullest – the brilliant anti-piracy DVD ad, the German cannibal, the Communist smoking story, the stupidity of the new boss laughing at the flies on his window – and is all the more comfortable and funny for it. Graham Linehan has let the show relax into just being funny for the sake of it. I don’t know if its up there with Father Ted or Black Books, but it can be equally funny when it wants to. (The recent news that the US version wasn’t picked up for a series, even with Richard Aoyade as Moss in it, provided a great response by Linehan on his blog, giving insight into how the US version should work, talking about what works in the US and over here).

TV Catch-Up Week: Sketch Shows

There has been a brace of new sketch shows on television recently, trying to capture some Little Britain glory. On digital main channels BBC3 and ITV2, we have It’s Adam and Shelly and Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show respectively. Both are not good. Adam and Shelley do poor characters with silly accents and pointless punchlines; there was even a slightly offensive parody of Monkey, about 20 years too late. Katy Brand is a large lady, so her comedy is mostly shouty, over-the-top comedy, doing lazy versions of famous females (such as Angelina Jolie, who is so sexy she literally sweats sex appeal), but it’s mostly just shouting, as a substitute for actual comedy. The most enjoyable skit was a parody of a Lily Allen video, but that’s not exactly difficult.

Peter Serafinowicz, of Spaced, Darth Maul’s voice, the Tomorrow’s World parody Look Around You, has been given his own show on BBC2. Peter is a good character comedian and is fabulous with voices (he does a great Alan Alda, which is something that doesn’t happen very often) but the sketch show is not good. When you have a sketch where Sherlock Holmes has sex with Dr Watson after solving a case, and nothing else, you are in trouble – doing gay jokes about Holmes? Really? Really? Is that it? According to an interview on Chortle, he seemingly got the show due to a sketch he put on YouTube – he was in the US after doing a pilot and it not being picked up, so decided to do something creative. The only trouble is that the comedy seems to be based on a man who has been doing nothing all day but sitting around watching television and saying how rubbish it is – a robot host for a daytime talk show, a newsreader who is guessing what he is supposed to say, a vacuous E! take-off, Actors Studio parodies, QVC presenters selling tat and knowing it. It is limited and poor to say the least. He does great voices but he needs to find somebody with a sense of humour who has the power to tell him what is funny.

After all this, it was quite a surprise to find myself laughing at a sketch show again. The Armstrong and Miller Show is actually funny – they are a little edgy for BBC1 on a Friday evening, but they still remember that the point of the sketch show is to amuse other people, not just themselves. There are some recurring characters, but there are also comedy ideas played with just for the notion that they are funny, without resorting to mocking easy target celebrities or television parodies. The piece de resistance is the sketch about the chav-talking RAF airmen in World War 2 – the idea itself is sublime but the execution is also funny. Try talking in received pronunciation voice but talking chav – it’s bloody difficult. So three cheers for being funny on the BBC.

Time-Saving Idea

So, the clocks have just gone back this weekend, as we return to GMT from British Summertime. Apart from all the stupid people going on about how dark it gets so early, the best aspect of this is the lovely extra hour of sleep most people get on Sunday morning. Which got me thinking.

Everyone loves an extra hour of sleep, especially on a Sunday after a hard Friday/Saturday. Those recaptured 60 minutes revives and gives you more time for the last day before the week starts again. So wouldn’t it be good to give that to people more often? But where would we lose the extra hour in the first place in order to gain it on a Sunday morning?

And then it hit me.

Friday 4pm – everyone leaves work early on a Friday afternoon anyway, watching the clock until the weekend starts, so why not make it official? Turn the clocks forward to 5pm at 4pm on a Friday afternoon, then turn them back again on Sunday. It’s a win–win situation. How could anybody object?

So, who’s with me? Official campaign to make this a weekly event?

Neil Gaiman Week: Stardust (The Film)

Finally, here on Neil Gaiman Week, we come to the raison d’etre for a week of posts about Neil Gaiman – the film adaptation of Stardust arriving in the UK. Even though the film has been promoted on other factors – the ‘Britishness’ of the film, the director (who happens to be married to a supermodel), the stars involved – it is the author of the source material that has been the centre of much of the media coverage. And hurrah for that.

As with most adaptations, the film is a streamlined version of the book. Tristran Thorn (Charlie Cox) learns of his heritage (that his he was born of a union between his father and a woman on the other side of the wall) in the first five minutes of the film, before he has promised Victoria (a perfectly snooty Sienna Miller) that he will bring her back the fallen star to win her hand in marriage. Using the Babylon candle left him by his mother, he travels to the star, to find that it is a woman called Yvaine (Clare Danes). Around her neck, she wears a chain with a jewel, the one that was thrown by the dying king of Stormhold (Peter O’Toole) and which knocked from the sky, the one he has told his remaining sons to retrieve if they wish to become the next king. Three witches are also after the star, for the heart will provide them with another amount of long life – the oldest (and craftiest) of the three (played with relish and enthusiasm by Michelle Pfeiffer) has taken the last of the previous star heart to make her young and powerful again so that she may retrieve the heart. Tristran has seven days to bring back Yvaine (he has her tied to him with a magical chain) while the others chase her too …

And so the race is on. Along the way, they meet Robert De Niro as Captain Shakespeare, pretending to be a fierce pirate but actually a sophisticated gay man (note: De Niro is stunt casting, making the contrast between the gruff pirate and the effeminate reality more shocking and amusing, but he really can’t play gay to save his life), Ricky Gervais playing Ricky Gervais as a fence, and Mark Strong as the remaining prince (after he has killed most of the others – there is a lovely bait-and-switch when we see Rupert Everett enter as one of the princes, expecting him to be the hero, only to be dispatched by Strong by pushing him out of the top of the castle; after, he joins the remaining princes as a ghostly Greek chorus to the events, unable to have peace in death until the Stormhold crown is settled. It has to be said that there is not enough of the princes, played as they are by British comedy types – David Walliams, Adam Buxton, Mark Heap, Julian Rhind-Tutt).

The film doesn’t always work – in trying to capture Midnight Run and Princess Bride, the ‘banter’ between Tristran and Yvaine is rather forced and counterintuitive: how does a star have sarcastic and quippy retorts? It’s necessary, as the film condenses the time frame of the book from several months to a week, so we have to go from initial hatred to love in a short time, but it isn’t always believable. However, the sum of the parts make up for the individual deficiencies. Pfeiffer and Danes do very good English accents (only De Niro doesn’t bother), the princes are very funny, the magical aspect (that problematic fantasy stuff for the general public) works really well – I particularly loved the glowing hair motif for Danes – and the changes to the source material fit well into a film. Most impressively of all, you are left with a wonderfully warm feeling when the film ends – who can ask for more from a film?

Rating: VID

Neil Gaiman Week: Stardust (The Book)

Stardust – Being a Romance Within the Realms of Faerie

by Neil Gaiman and Charles Vess

I remember when I first got this book – I was exchanging some comic books for new material, including Stardust. I hadn’t read it before, but I knew that Gaiman had written it and Vess had illustrated it – what else did I need to know? However, I was surprised to find out that it was an illustrated novel – I thought it was a comic book. D’oh!

The novel is as described exactly in the subtitle – a love story in Faerie. In the village of Wall, some time in the past, Dunstan Thorn crosses the gap in the wall that leads to Faerie, where he meets a woman entrapped by a witch, and they make love. Nine months later, a baby boy called Tristran is left at Dunstan’s doorstep. Eighteen years later, he foolishly promises to retrieve the fallen star that fell to Earth on the other side of the wall for the young lady he loves. Meanwhile, the king of Stormhold is dying and throws his silver chained-pendant with topaz out of the castle and tells his remaining sons whoever finds it will be the next king. Tristran finds the fallen star – a beautiful woman called Yvainne – and begins the journey of taking her back as a gift for his love. Of course, things don’t quite go to plan …

Gaiman writes the story in a slightly old-fashioned style, but maintaining his distinctive voice, with its lightness of touch, clarity of storytelling, elegant choice of phrase, clean dialogue and impish sense of humour. The story starts slowly, as he sets the scene of the normality of village life in Wall – this is necessary to highlight the world of Faerie in which the bulk of the story takes place – but it makes you wish that he would get on with it. When he does write about the magical world, the story just floats on air, alive and organic, as if it is an old story told many times before.

Of course, if you are going to have a story set in Faerie, the only choice of artist is Charles Vess. Whenever I read stories set in magical realms, it is Vess’ art that I see in my mind’s eye. The ethereal, otherworldiness he brings to his depictions of witches and stars and magic are just so perfect, with the elongated human shapes and the exquisite detail. The combination of words and art is quite charming, and I don’t mind the fact that I originally thought this was a comic book. Stardust is quite the most charming fairy tale, with a poetically appropriate ending and a thoroughly believable romance. Thoroughly deserving of turning into a film …

Neil Gaiman Week: Neverwhere (Graphic Novel)

From A Library: Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere by Mike Carey and Glenn Fabry

And so continues the strange evolution of Neverwhere – from television series to novel to comic book. Has there been a stranger path? And, to let you know where it came from (this is a Vertigo book so has to use a name for a selling point), it becomes ‘Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere’ (does he own it outright? He created the show with Lenny Henry, who came up with the concept of doing a story about homeless people; is this to say it is based on his novel rather than the programme?). Neil is far too busy to adapt his own work to comic book form, so Mike Carey is brought in to do the legwork and Glenn Fabry provides the artwork.

Carey is no stranger to following Gaiman – he made his name in the comic book world with Lucifer, the Sandman spin-off – and his Felix Castor stories (which I have enjoyed immensely) demonstrate his familiarity and comfort with London and fantasy elements. He follows the story of the book (see review of novel for more detail) but without the prologue, with occasional individual touches to add something of himself – there is a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy line thrown in that wasn’t in the source material. There is one change that I think is of note – the ending, where Door confronts the mastermind behind the death of her family: in the book, she is shocked by the revelation, whereas the comic book has her reveal that she knew who was responsible, which is why she had planned for the twist that allows her to defeat the villain of the piece. Although Door is a more than competent character, this emphasis on her understanding of the situation throws a different light on her decisions and character throughout the rest of the story. An interesting change.

Fabry is an appropriate choice as artist for the book – his characters have always had an ugly beauty to them, dishevelled and grotty and looking like they would go unnoticed in Camden Market on a Saturday back in the days when it wasn’t completely full with tourists. His characters look perhaps a little too solid and large of thigh for me, but he draws the different worlds of London Above and Below with ease, and his storytelling doesn’t allow the reader to lose what is happening. As I have mentioned before, I still prefer his early b&w precision on Slaine in 2000AD, but that’s just my personal preference.

The only question at the end of the day is whether the story works in comic book form; was the adaptation justified? I’m not sure if anything was gained by the four-colour serialisation, but that could be my jaded self talking, having seen it for a third time now (will I be able to ever watch it as a film with an unbiased view?). I think I prefer the novel as the version of the story, and I’m not sure why Clandestine Chum Johnny Bacardi was so impressed with it in his reviews when the series came out (sorry JB).

Neil Gaiman Week: Neverwhere (Television Series)

I vaguely remember seeing an episode of Neverwhere when it was first shown on the BBC back in the mid 1990s. The unusual yet pretty face of Laura Fraser, with her big eyes and scruffy clothes, are all I can remember of the show – there wasn’t much in that episode that made me decide to keep watching. I was aware of Neil Gaiman by then, which is why I was watching the programme in the first place. Only, it was rather shoddy and a little embarrassing, so I didn’t keep watching.

Having arrived recently on DVD, Neverwhere is fresh for appraisal and for viewing the complete story, especially having read the book and the comic book adaptation (what a strange path).

As the original version, as it were, it is interesting to watch this version of the story. The opening credits by Dave McKean are ethereal and gorgeous, of course. However, it doesn’t bode for what is to follow. The main problem with the television series is that it looks like a sci-fi serial made on the cheap for the BBC in the mid 1980s, rather than ten years later. The closest parallel is Doctor Who, but that’s a little harsh; there is some visual invention within but it doesn’t look very good. The dream sequence, with Richard and the Beast of London, looks very much of the time and the camera work is rather pedestrian, insisting on close-ups of the actors faces, which only highlight the slightly shaky feel. In addition, the supposed use of multiple tunnels to give variety doesn’t work because they all look exactly the same anyway, especially the oft-used closed station that triples up for whatever tube stop is required.

The positive aspect of the visuals is the set design – it seems that where the limited budget was spent, and some of the places look good (such as the Angel Islington’s chambers and the Floating Markets). In particular, the use of London locations is nicely done, using the Battersea power station and the roof tops of London to very good effect.

All of this doesn’t make up for the mismatched tone; the DVD is rated 15, presumably for swearing, but the approach is children’s television. The ‘magic realism’ that is much more acceptable now was ahead of its time back then, and the director doesn’t seem to get it completely. Subsequently, all the actors aren’t really on the same page, each doing their own thing (although that is not to say that everyone is bad), not coming together until near the end of the story.

This certainly doesn’t help the dialogue – what works well on the page (and when the tone is right) doesn’t feel natural or organic on this show. Apart from perhaps Hwyel Bennet as Mr Croup, it doesn’t gel. I don’t know if this is the programme as a whole or a slight imperfection in Neil Gaiman’s dialogue – the dialogue in Mirrormask (as I mentioned in my review) wasn’t the most memorable. Is it heresy of me to say that perhaps Neil, being more bookish, works best in books?

The strangest thing for me watching it now is seeing people on it you recognise from more recent things. The Marquis de Carabas is played by Paterson Joesph, from Peep Show and Green Wing. Angel Islington is Peter Capaldi, the wonderfully swearing spin doctor Malcolm Tucker in The Thick Of It. Mr Vandemar is played by Clive Russell, who I always associate from Spaced series two, and Tasmin Grieg, now more famous from Black Books and Green Wing, has a small role as Lamia.

The most interesting extra of the DVD is a rather odd interview with Neil himself, in a huge leather jacket, staring straight to camera and talking about his experience (with his very English wonky lower teeth and mess of wavy hair). He doesn’t seem completely comfortable talking on camera (I’ve seen him at a book reading, ironically for the launch of the book version of Neverwhere, where he was much more comfortable talking about himself and his work) but he is a natural storyteller and provides some interesting anecdotes – such as the fact that the whole thing came about because Lenny Henry wanted to make a fantasy series about the homeless.

I think the television series might be for completists only – perhaps a film with a higher budget might be the best option? At least we have the book …

Neil Gaiman Week: Neverwhere (The Book)

My chronological memory is rather hazy, which is a shame; when I remember actual things, I do have a strong sense of the memory. I can’t recall when I went to a reading/Q&A by Neil Gaiman – I think it was soon after I returned to London, which would be about mid to late ‘90s but I wouldn’t swear to that in court. What I remember most, apart from the enjoyable time listening to Neil talk and read, was him reading the last words of the first chapter of the book: ‘Bugger.’

Or, that’s how I remember it. This version’s chapter one doesn’t end with the word ‘bugger’ (it’s about two-thirds of the way in), and I don’t know if it’s my memory or the fact that I have ‘Author’s preferred text’. Whichever it is, it’s still a lot better than the television series. This is in itself is quite odd – Neil Gaiman and Lenny Henry get a television series created but Neil wasn’t completely happy with the finished product (more due to the nature of the BBC making fantasy programmes at the time than anything else) so he writes the book of the show for himself. Normally, when other media ruins a story, you’ve always got the original – how many times does somebody go out of their way to effectively create the original for comparative purposes?

Richard Mayhew, an ordinary chap in an ordinary job, helps a homeless-looking girl in trouble, and his life changes forever. Because she is Door of London Below, the surviving member of her family, who have all been killed, and is still being hunted. Having interacted with her, and helped her obtain protection in the form of the Marquis de Carabas, Richard is now one of London Below, and his existence is ignored by London Above – he no longer has a job, a flat or a girlfriend. Desperate and alone, through chance he gets to London Below and finds Door again and aids her in her quest to find the people responsible for the death of her family. Along the way, he meets people with names of familiar London places – Old Bailey, Hammersmith, the Seven Sisters, the Earl of Earl’s Court, the Black Friars – and sees the other side of London.

As with all Gaiman’s work, the mix of the real and magical is thoroughly absorbing and totally believable – there is never any room for doubt in the world he has created. This had an unwanted side-effect of making the stretches of the beginning of the book in the normal world seem even more mundane than is the obvious intention, but that could be my preference for the fantasy aspect of the novel. It matters little after getting into the story – Gaiman’s prose, clear and eloquent, brings the magical to life in an extraordinarily apposite manner and you forget everything else. I wasn’t completely convinced of the transformation of Richard into the hero character at the end, but that could be the good job of making him so ordinary throughout the rest of the book.

Being a Londoner, the transformation of the tube map into a collection of strange people and places is utterly charming (the Angel Islington brings a smile to my face just typing it). The characters that populate the story are a delight – the enigmatic Marquis, the white collar professional thugs Mr Croup and Mr Vandemar are a lot of fun, Hunter – and the book feels like it is a complete thing, rather than the novelisation of a television series because Gaiman wasn’t totally happy with the way the show worked out (and rightfully so). Although my favourite novel of his is American Gods, Neverwhere is still a wonderful mix of story and storytelling that gets quite close.

Links: New Blogs

Undecided on whether to add to the blogroll or not, I shall make use of this post to have a record of some interesting blogs that have appeared in the last couple of weeks.

Greatest Movie Deaths of All Time – featuring video clips of carefully selected film deaths. Not much in the way of commentary, but you have to admire the focus.

Nad Shot – talking about focus, this blog is a collection of scans from comics of people being getting it in the groin. It’s wonderfully bizarre, and strangely hypnotic. Again, no commentary, but is it really needed?

Todd’s Blog – Todd Klein, best letterer and designer in the biz, talks about stuff. His recent series of posts on the different X-Men logos over the years was absolutely fascinating.

Stephen Fry’s blog – only two huge entries so far, but anything from the wonderful Mr Fry is a delight. Informed, full of anecdotes, funny and engaging – more please.

Stan Sakai’s livejournal site – although I would prefer Stan to knuckle down and create as much Usagi Yojimbo product as possible, I will allow him the time to post his thoughts on various topics whenever he has a free moment.

Andrew Collins' blog – “scriptwriter, journalist and broadcaster” journalist (NME, editor of Q for a while), presenter (I fondly remember Collins and Maconie’s Movie Club, a late-night film review show on ITV back in 1997), autobiographer, sitcom writer (Not Going Out), Film Editor of Radio Times, former editor of Empire magazine, radio DJ (Collins & Maconie’s Hit Parade on Radio 1, latterly on BBC6). He’s even written for Eastenders … Interesting to read someone with such a diverse media background writing for fun.

Short List – not strictly a blog, as it is the site for a free weekly newspaper, but it updates regularly so qualifies on that basis alone. Lists are half of blog content anyway, and these have a refreshing twist – the paper had a list of top ten crisps with their movie equivalents.

New Word Definition: TOURMBIE

Tourmbie (noun) – combining 'tourist' and 'zombie', defining the stupid people who wander aimlessly around the streets of tourist attractions, seeming deliberately to get in the way of everyone else, without having any specific purpose other than to get in the way. The only activity associated with the tourmbie is the rush to get their photograph taken in front of the tourist attraction to demonstrate that they visited. Particularly attracted to London tourist sites.

Film Notes: The Fountain

I’m not sure if I understood The Fountain, or completely liked it, but that doesn’t stop it from being an interesting and beautiful-looking film. I’ll describe what I thought what the film was about: in the present, Hugh Jackman is a scientist working on a cure for brain tumours, specifically for his cancer-stricken wife (Rachel Weisz), but uses a Guatemalan plant extract that seems to reverse signs of ageing but doesn’t affect tumours; 500 years in the past, Jackman is a Conquistador on a mission for his queen (Weisz) to discover the Tree of Life in the New World; 500 years in the future, Jackman is an astronaut in an ecosphere spacecraft with the living tree, haunted by visions of Weisz. Present-day Weisz dies, past Jackman gets stabbed but finds the Tree of Life, and the living tree dies in the future – and then it gets into the stuff I’m not sure I understood.

This isn’t a film in the usual sense of narrative structure; if anything, it is a tone poem (whatever that means) about love and death and how we deal with it. It looks spectacular, especially with such a small budget; each time zone has thematic visual elements incorporated into the design. Jackman and Weisz are good, as always, and Darren Aronofsky continues to make interesting and well-made films (after Pi and Requiem for a Dream), this time using Weisz (girlfriend and mother of their child) as a muse. I’m not sure if I can recommend the film because I just wanted to see it because Jackman, as the astronaut, does the Chen-style Taiji compact cannon fist from formulated by Ren Guang-Yi (friend to Lou Reed) – see it here (I’m Chen-style Taiji practitioner myself). Not really a professional stance now, is it?

Rating: VID

Film Notes: Inside Man

In these times of studios fleecing audiences with dreary sequels, dire films of television shows and a general lack of quality, it’s really nice to see a piece of well-made, entertaining cinema. Inside Man is a well-told heist movie, with a nice twist, which has good actors (Clive Owen as the brains behind the heist, Denzel Washington as the negotiator at the scene, Jodie Foster as a behind-the-scenes fixer for the rich and powerful) in a well-directed film (Spike Lee making a non-Spike Lee Joint).

As with all good heist films, the trick is in showing a well-planned heist but keeps you guessing as to how it will end; this is achieved here by turning the heist into a hostage situation, kept going while the bank robbers appear to dig in a back room after stealing something from a specific deposit box that is not listed in the bank records. The setting is believable, the characters are engaging and Lee handles the whole thing like a pro (even throwing in a visual bit with Washington rushing towards the front of the bank without moving, as the camera fixes on him while he doesn’t move but the background does – a bit like a SnorriCam, but not attached to the body). Chiwitel Ejiofor continues his deserved ascent (co-starring with Owen again after Children of Men, he was in Serenity, and he’s going to be in American Gangster with Washington) with a small role as Washington’s partner, Willem Dafoe has a small role as the police captain in charge, and Christopher Plummer plays a powerful old man with a secret with ease. A decent cast in a decent film by a decent director? Will wonders never cease …

Rating: DAVE

Book Review: The Fourth Bear

The Fourth Bear by Jasper Fforde

The Fourth Bear is the second book in the Nursery Crime series (the first was The Big Over Easy) by Jasper Fforde, following the adventures of DCI Jack Spratt, Detective Sergeant Mary Mary and Detective Constable Ashley (an alien). Despite the success of the Humpty Dumpty case in the first book, the Nursery Crime Division is still undermanned and under-funded and still seen as a joke. When the serial killer the Gingerbread Man escapes from the asylum where he was kept, it should by NCD that head the case, but it is given to another department. Spratt is undergoing psychiatric evaluation (working at NCD requires a certain mental flexibility, and he is after all a Person of Dubious Reality himself, having once been the Jack Sprat who ate no fat), but he has agreed to help look for the journalist Henrietta ‘Goldilocks’ Hatchett, missing since visiting one of the top cucumber growers in Reading who died shortly after her visit in a massive explosion, and her connection to the bear society of Reading and their porridge quotas.

The magic of Fforde is the combination of tight plotting, great characters, delightful world building and a delirious sense of humour (calling the legislation for porridge quotas ‘porribition’ is just an example). His Thursday Next series had all this, with the inspired ideas of being able to enter books and the world of fiction having its own police force (Jurisfiction). The Nursery Crime series has characters from nursery tales/mythology being real people, used as the source of a taut police procedural.

The first book, although a fun read, didn’t satisfy as much as the Thursday Next books, perhaps to do with the way the book turned in the last chapters. The balance between Fforde’s genre-bending, punning and silly ideas didn’t seem to blend well with the police procedural (something that Fforde admits to in the Special Features section for the book on his website). However, in this book he has got it just right (if you’ll forgive me the deliberate allusion to Goldilocks herself); the story still stands up as whodunit but it revels more in its innate absurdity – there are the references by the characters to using plot device numbers to describe how they will solve the investigation, there is wonderfully silly tongue-twisting resolution to an in-joke (something the characters themselves comment upon), talking about Superintendent Briggs as a ‘threshold guardian’ and the way Jack circumvents the psychiatric evaluation by dissecting the secondary character nature of the psychiatrist and her role in the book. The best of all comes when, near the end, Jack explains the MacGuffin for all the deaths and skullduggery to some of the characters, including a scientist who loves conspiracy theories. When this scientist keeps up with the discussion, the line reads that his work with conspiracy theories meant he was able to digest outrageous explanations, ‘as should you’ – this line had me in hysterics on the train.

This book is a joy from beginning to end. Characters you love (even the psychotic Gingerbread Man), a tight plot, bundles of silliness and enjoyable to read. Fforde is fast becoming one of my favourite authors, with his love of the absurd and entertaining writing style. The only disappointment is finding out that the next book in the series is supposedly the last. I wouldn’t want him to keep on writing for the sake of it but, when they’re this good, you don’t want the series to stop, ever.

Art: Almost Exhibitions and Galleries

Sunday was a day of seeing art (following Saturday's visit to the First Emperor exhibit). Or, rather, trying to see art and not quite succeeding in the way it was planned.

The first thing we tried to see was the Serpentine Gallery Experiment Marathon. This was a two-day event, so we’d be catching the latter half, all about experiments performed by leading artists, architects and scientists. As former scientists ourselves, my girlfriend and I wanted to see something interesting and bizarre where the science world interacts with the art world. However, in the email she was sent and on the website, there was no mention of the fact that it cost £20 each to get in – stuff at the Serpentine is usually free. And, seeing as we wanted to sample some of the marathon rather than stay the whole day, £40 was too much just to see what it was like.

As we were there, we looked at the exhibit in the Gallery, Matthew Barney’s Drawing Restraint. It was interesting seeing the constraints he put on himself in creating art (as shown in the videos of the pieces) but the large pieces in the main gallery seemed a little too obscure for my tastes, but then I am rather conservative when it comes to modern art. My girlfriend and I wondered how he got paid enough to be able to do all this bizarre stuff – bouncing on a trampette to daub on a ceiling, drawing on a whaling ship while a large fish swings around his head and pen in time to the ocean – and wondered how to get a job where you make up stuff and then explain it with a strange unifying theory. Maybe it’s because his girlfriend is Björk … Wouldn’t recommend this.

The next step on the art tour was The Old Truman Brewery for British Marvel Secrets, an exhibition of British artists on Marvel comics, which I read about in Rich Johnston’s Lying in the Gutters column. Again, this wasn’t quite what it seemed – it appeared to be a shop, playing a DVD of Blade in the corner, with some superhero video games in another corner and selling a variety of books and t-shirts. In the middle were three semi-informative stands about British artists working in Marvel comics, and to one side was the ‘art’ – some were monochromatic pieces using a figure from a comic book panel (I had to correct them on the artist for one work – the Hulk and Patch figures on the cover to the right were used on a piece of art and the original artist was listed as Rob Liefeld. It’s obviously the work of John Buscema, but perhaps Liefeld inked it?). The most interesting art was the ‘acrylicize’ versions of Bryan Hitch panels from The Ultimates (made by this company). They looked fabulous, even from a distance, the way the colours dazzled due to the process they used. The best single piece was the Civil War poster by Steve McNiven – it looked fantastic, even with Mark Millar’s autograph nearly ruining it (and was only there because the man in charge owned it and wanted to show off). The only reason to go to this exhibit was to see the Iron Man movie prop of the prototype armour – incredible piece of work – but it didn’t warrant going to Tower Hamlets to see it. At least we got to pop round to the 24-hour Beigel Bakery on Brick lane for a hot salt beef beigel to make up for it.

The final leg of the art tour was the Wandsworth Artists Open House, part of their arts festival. Artists who reside in the borough of Wandsworth opened their homes to the public so that they could view their art (and hopefully buy some in order to keep their homes). We went to see an artist who lived near us – he had lots of nice paintings on the walls and in his garden (it was a lovely sunny day, amazing for October) but, with prices starting at £600 for landscapes, it was a little out of our price range. It was interesting to see somebody trying to make a living from art (even though he had to teach two days a week and his wife worked) but it was obviously a struggle to do so, and a shame to see someone realising that, even with a degree in sculpting, he wasn’t going to be able to support his family on his art alone.

And so ended our Sunday art tour, wondering: Art – what’s it all about, then? And not having an answer …

Museum: First Emperor

The First Emperor exhibition is another impressive job by the British Museum – it is well done and informative as well as being splendid to observe. You really should take the chance to see the Terracotta Warriors of Qin Shihuang up close – the exhibit is on until April next year, although you can’t get a Saturday slot until the next year – and admire the impressive detail of one man’s enormous ego and desire for immortality.

A brief bit of history: Yeng Zheng was the king of Qin, one of the seven warring states of the country that would become the basis for what we now know as China. After killing lots of people (via having a huge army that was well organised and armed with weapons produced to high quality on a massive scale), he declared himself First August Divine Emperor and started laying down his legacy. He standardised the written language, weights and coins, started building the predecessor of the Great Wall (the one we know is from the Ming dynasty), built a ridiculous number of palaces, and built the grandest monument to himself in the form of his burial chamber and associated aspects for his rule in the next world, the most famous being the Terracotta Warriors, found several miles to the west of his burial mound.

If you have seen the army in Xi’an, you don’t forget the spectacle of seeing hundreds of warriors in rows, slightly larger than life and all different, standing for eternity to protect their emperor. It is a staggering sight, standing in what is essentially an aircraft hangar and looking down on these mass-produced sculptures from over two thousand years. What you don’t get to see as much of are the warriors up close; there are a few in air-tight glass cases, but the ones open to air are a distance away from you. The British Museum allow you to see them in the flesh, as it were.

The Library in the centre of the museum has been turned into the location for the exhibit, containing short films to set the scene, artifacts from the time and informative notes to help you understand something of the time. The centerpiece is the selection of pieces from the Xi’an find, set in the middle of the room, and all at arms’ length. Although there are a couple of archers in glass cases (to protect the remnants of the original paint that has been lost on the majority of pieces), there are about a dozen pieces in the open – some infantrymen, a standing archer, two generals (very rare), a charioteer, as well as other pieces to show that it wasn’t just a large bodyguard but also everything necessary for life in the afterworld: some bureaucrats to run affairs of state, an acrobat and a strong man to entertain, and some musicians playing to cranes.

It is completely fascinating and truly amazing; even though you know about all the people who died making these (Qin Shihuang had all the labourers of the terracotta figures entombed alive with him in his burial chambers), it is still a startling reflection of one man’s obsession with himself. Seeing it up close brings this home even more. I did not see the figures in this exhibition in Xi’an (they were in Rome at the time), so I now have seen the complete set, and this showcase complements the awe and majesty of seeing the multitude in their original location. Go see it.

Film Review: The Bourne Ultimatum

At long last, here we have the third film in a sequence that is very good and is worthy of its predecessors. After a summer of Spider-man 3, Pirates 3, Shrek 3 (and X-Men 3 before that), it was getting quite depressing watching the third instalment of a film franchise. They were all long and boring and devoid of the magic that made the earlier films (or only the first, in the case of Pirates) special. The Bourne Ultimatum not only continues the special attributes of the previous films, but it builds on the story and enhances it.

Bourne (Matt Damon) has regained his memory, lost a love, revenged that loss, and obtained closure on the first assassination he performed. He was last seen telling Pamela Landey (Joan Allen) to take a rest after she has told him his name. However, this film starts just after Bourne has finished in Russia near the end of the second film – he is escaping the authorities while badly injured after the events that preceded it. Talk about starting with a bang.

A Guardian reporter is investigating Bourne and the Treadstone project, but his phone is being tapped by the CIA, which leads to him being targeted by them at the same time as Bourne contacts him to find out more. This leads to the best use of Waterloo station in a film ever. Bourne is now looking for the people who trained him to be the killer he became …

The amazing thing about this film is the way it keeps the tension all the way through the running time. The number of thrilling set pieces that maintain this is incredible. The direction by Greengrass, and the use of handheld cameras to bring the directness of the action to the screen, mean that the immediacy of the story is always there. This is matched by the commitment of Damon’s performance (in an action film, remember – the reinvention of the Bond franchise took careful notes when watching the Bourne films). This means that the excitement is believable, even if Bourne is almost superhuman in his abilities.

The other amazing aspect is to have the scene at the end of the second film turn up in the middle of this film – which leads to the final third of the film in New York. This is genius. The interconnection in the films has been important in all of them; they’re almost not a trilogy in the strictest sense – it’s just one big story with definite end points. Exciting, dramatic, tense, thrilling, superb – The Bourne Ultimatum is probably the best blockbuster of the season.

Rating: DAVE

TV: Screenwipe

I thought I had written about the unalloyed joy provided by Charlie Brooker before on this blog, but I have been remiss in my expressions of devotion to the vicious and poetic humour and intelligence of this misanthropic television critic.

My knowledge of him started with his painfully funny pastiche of television listings at the website TV Go Home. The next regular fix was the column Screen Burn in The Guide (the entertainment supplement in The Guardian on Saturdays). It is a television review column where Brooker rips into the rubbish that litters the airwaves with precision and profane sarcasm in a wonderfully entertaining read, but he also praises quality television when he sees it (such as The Wire, Deadwood, Battlestar Galactica). There is a collection of the first few years of the column, which is one of the funniest things you will ever read. He now also writes a free-association column for the G2 section of The Guardian on Mondays – archives can be found here. His evisceration of David Cameron is one of the greatest things I have ever read.

He himself is one of the founders and directors of a television company, Zeppotron, which I think shows that he puts his money where his mouth is. He has written for television himself; he wrote for Channel 4’s The Eleven O’Clock Show, co-created and co-wrote Nathan Barley, and wrote for the sketch show Spoons.

However, the funniest thing he is doing on television now is Screenwipe, which is essentially Screen Burn on television but with added swipes at the TV industry itself and the horrors involved. It is the most enjoyable half hour of programming on air at the moment, with Brooker taking the piss out of everything, including himself. In the episode of Tuesday 2 October, he attained a moment of beautiful genius. I had turned over to BBC4 to watch the show, after watching the Stephen Fry documentary about HIV. However, the end credits for Screenwipe were playing – I was completely bemused. Where was the programme? It was 10pm, the Freeview listings showed it was supposed to be on, yet there was a woman in a coat presenting something else. I didn’t understand.

I was looking through the schedules, trying to find out when it was repeated, if we could trust them, so I wasn’t listening to the woman properly. I started to listen more carefully when she said that corners hadn’t been invented until 1839 and that the one she was standing in front of in a street in London was the first invented. It was at this moment that Brooker steps in and shoves her forcefully out of the way – it had all been a joke about the new BBC rules concerning closing credits. The BBC prohibits any ‘content’ to aired during the show’s credits because it would get in the way of the voiceover announcing the next programme (as the credits are squeezed into a small section of the screen and a trailer for the next show takes up half of the space). This was Brooker’s hilarious response to regulations he has to follow on his very own show, and to the marketing pricks who have imposed them. Absolutely inspired.

The rest of the show was the usual mix – indulging in his puerile side in reviewing Billie Piper in The Secret Diary of a Call Girl, an overview of a career in television (from runner through to past-it producer), and his list of The Biggest Cocks and She-Cocks in Advertising (including the annoying Botoxed-woman with her pentapeptides; the winner was the most infuriating advert on television at present for a shampoo product which starts with the line, ‘Everyone knows a bloke like Mickey …’ and features the most smug twat in the universe). Funny, intelligent and, most importantly, passionate about television. It is this that sets Brooker apart; he may be sweary and sarcastic, but it is done with a genuine love for good television and the show reflects the anger when IQ-losing shite is foisted upon the general public.

God bless you, Charlie Brooker.

Comic Review - Astonishing X-Men: Torn

Astonishing X-Men #13–18 by Joss Whedon & John Cassaday

For all of Whedon’s return to the Claremont/Byrne days, he did follow on and keep the continuity of Grant Morrison’s run on the X-Men. Which is why we get Cassandra Nova, the architect of danger from within, a traditional superhero yarn.

The Hellfire Club is back – another instance of Claremont/Byrne fanboyism – and Peter and Kitty finally have sex (which leads to some great jokes: Kitty phasing through the floor into the room below when she orgasms; Logan’s ‘Bout time’ response on seeing them the morning after).

Whedon has a go of getting under Scott’s skin – he seems to have a good handle on him – and gets Cassaday to draw some panels from old X-Men comics (such as the cover from #201, where Scott lost leadership of the team to Ororo). This is Whedon’s strength, understanding the characters he is writing about and infusing them with depth and feeling. And the funny lines: Kitty’s ‘ Oh my God, I just said “Some Goth punk”. I’m really old.’

There is a lot of fun in this book along with the story of the enemy within. There is a recreation of the classic panel with Logan from the original Hellfire Club storyline, where Logan rises from the sewers, but this time with Kitty: Now it’s my turn. Logan is telepathically turned into a wimp (a fabulous cover for issue #17); he is bitten on the leg by a telepathically enraged Beast, which causes him to pop his claws – ‘WWAAAAAHHHH!’ Logan is reverted from his brainwashing by beer – two great panels by Cassaday of focussing on the beer can and then on Logan’s eyes, acting like the camera in a film.

It’s not perfect – I’m not sure about the whole ‘Peter will destroy Breakworld’ concept, and SWORD is a very silly idea, and the story just ends without resolution because it is still ongoing – but it’s extremely entertaining. The threat is real and the X-Men are taken down believably and the return is suitably defiant and heroic, the twist of the plot is equally rewarding (Scott explaining it all, doing it well). This is a cracking homage to the old stories told in a thoroughly modern fashion. I look forward to the conclusion in the final trade paperback.

Comic Review - Astonishing X-Men: Dangerous

Astonishing X-Men #7–12 by Joss Whedon and John Cassaday

This trade paperback continues on from the first, but it is just a break in the story, really; fortunately, Whedon is an experienced man when it comes to episodic storytelling. Things start off with a fight scene, expertly executed and with sparkling dialogue – Peter and Kitty are having angsty thoughts during the combat, whereas Logan thinks, ‘I really like beer.’

An aside: I want a Whedon-written Fantastic Four comic, based solely on their appearance in the first issue. Johnny Storm: 'But what if it backfires? What if the press brand us a menace?' Logan: 'Then you’ll get a much more interesting bunch of groupies, kid.' (Pause) Johnny: 'Reed? Can we be evil know?' Reed Richards: 'Maybe after dinner.'

Back to the plot. The boy at Xavier’s who was injected with the cure by Ord in the first trade kills himself – but he’s done it in the Danger Room …

Under a great cover for issue #8 – Cassaday goes on the list of artists who draw really good claws of Logan coming out of his bare hands- there is an attack by an old sentinel on the mansion. I may become boring here, by constantly banging on about how good an artist Cassaday is here: he draws really good action, with a superb sense of where to place the camera in the scene, and the dynamic feel he brings. On top of that, he draws faces really well – he gives Logan a great sneer. I’ll stop it now, shall I?

The school children have nowhere to hide, so they retreat to the Danger Room, which is where things go a little flabby in this arc. Issue #9 is basically a justification of the silliness of the concept of the Danger Room mutating and coming to life, and being angry about the way it has been treated. Thematically, it is linked to the X-concept but it still feels out of place and a bit of a shoddy villain.

I say shoddy because ‘Danger’ (not a great name) is the calculating villain, which loses effect when you can see someone is writing it in that way – the narrative is disrupted when the strings are visible. Top that with the boring talking scene between Danger and Charles, and this trade is off the rails a little bit. Looking at my notes, the only line I have is the noticing the ‘X’-symbol parachutes the X-Men use. Not a good sign. It’s not all bad, but it’s not all good. At least there is good art and dialogue to keep you entertained along the way.

Comic Review - Astonishing X-Men: Gifted

Astonishing X-Men #1–6 TPB by Joss Whedon & John Cassaday

Here’s the strange thing – Joss Whedon is a good writer but he is also a major X-Men fanboy. It’s an unusual combination; it makes for fun, geeky comics. Why else would Kitty Pryde and Peter Rasputin be back in the book?

This is the perfect example of superstar comic book creators – the Claremont-inspired old-school stories from Whedon and the muscular, stylish, pure art from John Cassaday. Even the cover for issue 1 is exquisite in its design, with Wolvie’s claws taking up the centre and the light gleaming off the middle claw in the shape on an X. His facial expressions are spot on, perfect for Whedon’s script.

Whedon brings the X-Men back to the times when he was reading it; the glory days of Claremont and Byrne. The costumes, Logan and Scott hate each other, Kitty (proto-Buffy) being smart and funny – he wants things back to the way things were but following on from Grant Morrison’s great run on the book. And his trademark great lines: ‘I was busy remembering to put on all my clothes.’ ‘Did I miss the sorting hat?’ ‘The teachers spend all their time here trying to kill each other? This place is so cool.’

Cassaday brings the biz; the great double-page spread of the Reservoir Dogs moment in costumes for the first time in the hanger (‘We have to astonish them.’) – the angle, the poise of each character, the reflections, the perspective of the shot, the skewed look of all them on the right side of the spread. (He’s not perfect – the first issue in the Danger Room, where Kitty holds up her hand to say she is not a fighter; her hand looks awfully big and her arm looks like somebody else’s in front of her body.) All this and perfect covers for each issue.

The action scene in issue #2 is beautifully stage and executed, with the cute joke of Lockheed beating the villain, Ord. The story: a top geneticist has found a cure for mutancy (we later find out that it is due to the extraterrestrial help of Ord) – the situation is inherent with drama and dilemmas within the X-Men. The team go to the labs of the company behind the cure. When they get there, Kitty finds Colossus – a lovely wordless full page, four-panel job of surprise and emotion – and we get the classic X-Men mix of action/character/dialogue.

When Petey steps in to beat Ord (great reaction shot of Hank, Logan and Emma seeing him for the first time), he is stopped by SHIELD and SWORD – he’s got diplomatic immunity. Ord escapes in the confusion of an invasion by mutants looking for the cure. This leads to the biggest geek moment in the book – a two-page spread of Colossus and Logan and the Fastball Special (but without saying the words – only for ‘real’ X-fans. The story finishes but obviously just the start of the over-arcing plot – someone mysterious talking to Emma about Kitty …

This is very enjoyable stuff, especially for an old-time fan like me. Whedon is a big X-geek (Kitty was an inspiration for Buffy; the setting up of storylines like Claremont; the Dark Willow story was basically Dark Phoenix) but he is having a lot of fun telling his stories and he is matched by the peerless Cassaday. A delightful combination for a delightful confection.