Kurt Wagner was born in Bavaria with indigo fur covering his body, a prehensile tail, three fingers on each hand (including opposable thumbs), fang-like canines, and yellow eyes with no distinguishable pupils. Naturally, a career in the circus beckoned. He was invited to join the X-Men by Professor Charles Xavier, due to his mutant ability to teleport. He led the X-Men briefly, as well as the British offshoot, Excalibur, where his sense of fun and chivalry played a central role. He is a devout Catholic.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
A lovely lady to rescue from peril, then a hot tub and some champagne …

What is your greatest fear?
Alopecia areata universalis (complete loss of hair on whole body)

Which living person do you most admire and why?
Professor Xavier; he is a brilliant man with a noble dream.

What is your greatest extravagance?
Wearing a dashing and classic costume, despite being covered in fur.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?
Absolutely nothing – I am perfect in every way!

Who would play you in a movie of your life?
Me!

What is your most unappealing habit?
Filing my fangs.

What is your favourite smell?
Sulphur.

What is your favourite word?
Liebchen.

What is your fancy dress costume of choice?
Who needs a fancy dress costume? If I had to, I would set the image-inducer to Errol Flynn.

Radiator or air conditioning?
I don’t need a radiator, I can assure you.

Cat or dog?
Neither; fur is too much of a problem already.

Is it better to give or to receive?
Give, give, give.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
A gentleman never kisses and tells.

Which living person do you most despise and why?
It is not Christian to hate; we must learn to forgive people.

Have you ever said ‘I love you’ without meaning it?
Never. A real man would never do that.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Ja. Unglaublich! Wunderbar! Fantastisch! Nicht warr? Mein Gott!

When and where were you happiest?
The circus, as a child, were wonderfully innocent and happy times. Due to the high level of angst running through the mutant books, I am not contractually allowed to be happy for very long.

How do you relax?
Fencing and praying.

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
Quick-drying fur products.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
It used to be becoming a priest, but apparently that didn’t happen. So, I’d have to say it was leading the X-Men and Excalibur.

What keeps you awake at night?
Rolling onto my tail.

What song would you like played at your funeral?
Sympathy for the Devil.

How would you like to be remembered?
As the Fuzzy Elf.

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
Don’t judge a person by appearances.

(Kurt Wagner was always my favourite of the X-Men. I can’t mock him too much.)