Thoughts About Smokers

I don’t hate smokers. Not any more. Well, not all of them, anyway.

I used to hate smokers indiscriminately. I thought they were all stupid people who were deliberately out to annoy me with their smoking habit, secretly blowing their smoke in my direction. As I have aged, I have mellowed in my views.

There are still smokers I hate:

1. Smokers who litter. For some reason, they believe that buying a packet of cigarettes gives them the legal right to discard the wrapping or throw their finished butts on the streets. It is blatant littering and it really gets on my pecs, probably an indication of my advancing years.

2. Smokers who are either doctors or have a biological education. This is simply retarded – if you’ve been to university and studied anything to do with biology, you know all about the dangers of smoking, and you should be intelligent enough to understand that. Yet I have known surgeons, medics, lecturers in biological fields who all smoke like chimneys; it boggles belief. So I hate you out of annoyance in your stupidity.

3. Smokers who don’t care about non-smokers in their immediate environment. Coming out of the Underground, standing outside work places or pubs – all they care about is the nicotine and nothing about anyone silly enough to be accidentally standing nearby. The disregard for other people is quite staggering.

Now, I mostly pity smokers. They are fighting a crippling addiction they can’t control yet is sanctioned by the government (for all that lovely tax money); they are throwing away their hard-earned money for no return; they are making their hair, clothes and breath reek of tar; they are increasing the chances of giving themselves unpleasant diseases; and they are social outcasts, as the places you can smoke are so limited it is an achievement to find somewhere to smoke outside of your home.

The ones I pity the most: fat ugly people. Don’t judge me. There are several excuses people use when starting to smoke: it makes them look cool; it makes them sociable; it represses their appetite so they can stay thin. It’s obviously not working for all those ugly fatties …

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