Lost Weekend

A Lost Weekend

It looks like I lasted 4 months this time before I broke my pledge to post something daily on this blog this year. I’m angry with myself that I didn’t post for the past three days, especially as I had already interrupted my run back in April, but I’m also angry with the manner in which it happened. Note: I will be discussing topics that are not strictly the normal remit of this blog (talking about comics, cinema, comedy, television, books, etc.), and we all know that blogging about blogging is a sin, but I like to think of it as reviewing my blogging capabilities, so I think I can squeeze it into my theme if I allow a very elastic definition of ‘reviewing’.

Although I started this year with the noble intention of writing several posts in advance, the dream ended quickly and I was writing the majority of posts on the day they went up. However, I grew to like the daily challenge of capturing my thoughts and putting them on the blog the same day, and it became part of my routine. It is an exhausting routine, and can sometimes feel a chore that interferes with normal life, but it was rewarding to accomplish my goal of daily blogging. The problem with this is that there is no room for manoeuvre if something gets in the way, which happened on Friday when my company had its summer party. I didn’t get home until late, I was tired from a long day, and I didn’t want to kill myself just to have something to post.

So I didn’t post anything.

I felt bad about it, but thought, ‘Hey, it’s only one day; the world won’t end, so relax and think about it tomorrow’.

But I didn’t think about it the next day – I didn’t write anything over the weekend, a complete waste of 48 valuable hours. On Saturday, I was tired and felt depleted, which led to a headache – and there is no way I can write with a headache. I awoke on Sunday with the intention to do something, but the headache still lingered and a dark mood that had been hovering on Saturday settled in for the duration. I read things online, watched mash-ups online, watched television, cooked, and did nothing constructive at all (hence ‘A Lost Weekend’ of the title).

As can be seen by the empty months that litter my archives, I have a problem with this feeling descending upon me, where I have no desire to write anything. It comes out of nowhere and I lack any impetus to do anything constructive. I feel pointless and worthless and devoid of any creative ability. It’s a pretty bleak emotional state, and has led to the many times where I’ve walked away from the blog for months on end.

The strange thing is that the self-imposed daily routine has drawn me back to the fold quicker than before. I miss the daily routine, and there is an almost OCD aspect to my disappointment in the fact that I have some missing days for this year – I really want to have as many days as possible with something posted, even though there’s no reason to keep going other than my own stupid determination to do it.

So, here I am again, ready to talk about films and comic books and graphic novels and television and all that stuff. Let’s see if I can make it until the end of the year this time …

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